2016 Republican Presidential Contenders Q & A – Part 2

Q and A with the leading Republican contenders (and Jeb Bush) continued.


Trump: We’ve got some great minds in Silicon Valley. I’ll tell Steve Jobs and Ross Perot to go build a time machine. When a Mexican or Muslim goes on a shooting rampage in a school, we go back in time and ban him from the internet. Without google maps he’ll end up at the laundromat and get his washing done instead. We save children and grow the economy. That’s right folks – I’m a genius billionaire.

Carson: Avoiding getting shot is much like performing brain surgery on a child. If someone pointed a gun at me in a convenience store I’d be like, “hey there’s a child with a brain behind the counter. That’s the kid you want”.

Christie: Shutup. All of you. ISIS are threatening to take over America and all you want talk about is the needless deaths of thousands of Americans every year?

Cruz: I once cut my pinkie chopping an onion. Should they ban chopping boards too? First they came for our guns, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a gun. And then they came for our kitchen knives and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a kitchen knife. Then they came for our chopping boards but I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a chopping board…

Rubio: You try taking my gun from me and I’ll squirt you in the face with it.

Bush: Stuff happens.


Trump: I’ve been married to a few different women. Trust me, marriage should only ever be between a man and another man.

Carson: Being gay is a choice. Look how many people go into prison straight and come out gay. It’s like if a man went to live on a farm. He’d come out married to a rabbit or a chicken.

Christie: It was one time but it meant nothing. I was foolish and feeling vulnerable. His hair smelt of coconut. I swear I’ll never hug Obama again.

Cruz: What about the rights of God-fearing, gay hating Christians and our right to impose our beliefs on others?

Rubio: Marriage? Like with kissing n stuff? Eeew gross.

Bush: I wish my parents were gay then the jackass would never have been born. I wouldn’t have been born either but I’d take one for the team.


Trump: Everyone loves me. Women love me. Mexicans love me. Muslims love me. I received a call from a Mexican Muslim woman this morning and she said “Hey Donald, assalam alaikum homes. What you’re saying is right. I blew up a building this morning right after my abortion. I’ll be raping someone this afternoon once I’ve finished mowing your lawn”. Vote for me. I can make America great again. It says so on my cap. Jeb Bush is polling at 2%. I’m polling at 105%. It’s mathematically impossible but I did it. Because I am rich and brilliant.

Carson: As a teenager I would go after people with rocks, and bricks, and baseball hats and hammers. I almost killed someone with a knife when I was fourteen. But I’m all cured now. Vote for me. I’m the guy you want with his finger on the button.

Christie: Shut up. Vote for me. And Shut up.

Cruz: Senator Mccain calls me a “wacko job”. The Republican Establishment think I’m unlikeable. I take these things as a compliment so yes, I am an unlikable wacko job. Vote for me. I just gave Rubio a wet willie wedgie!

Rubio: Vote for me for Class President. Because a vote for me is a vote for Marco Rubio.

Bush: I wonder if daddy ever loved me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>